Emotional Independence

Most of us think that once we can drive, graduate from school or hold a job – or maybe it’s to be married or become a parent – that we are grown up, independent. The truth is that until we are emotionally and spiritually independent – that is, not expecting others to fulfill us and make us happy – we really can’t enjoy the blessings of being a “grown up.” Being independent is a state of mind, not only a matter of how our lifestyle appears on the outside. And it’s a lifelong journey.

Whether we struggle with anxiety, have marriage problems, feel lonely or unappreciated; maybe we battle depression or low self-esteem, anger, jealousy or confusion about why we’re here. All of these challenges may stem from a lack of emotional and spiritual independence. We are often oblivious to the beliefs and messages we send ourselves that place the responsibility on others, on outside circumstances, for our own fulfillment. Good news! As humans, we are designed for change; our brains are born ready to change.  We start out as infants pretty stupid, right? And totally dependent. Our brains learn and grow exponentially as we become more self-sufficient.  

It’s an illusion that we stop expanding and growing our capacity for independence once we reach a certain age. It’s a lifelong path, and we are here in this world to continually grow “up.”  Why is it called growing “up”?  It’s about rising, not just physically.  But ultimately it’s about rising above being needy, the people who trigger us, our negative self-defeating thoughts. Happiness, inner peace, love that is real - these can only be achieved as we become the creators of our own happiness, as we continue to grow ourselves up.